Grateful, Thankful and Blessed

 

It's November, my favorite month of the year.  When we live in places with seasons, I celebrate the leaves, the air, the hush that seems to start taking place in the softer hours of the day.  Here in Texas, I pretend these things are happening....but the one constant is taking a really good, long look at all of the things that truly fill up my life and making an effort to be visibly and consciously grateful.  

 Every year  the naysayers of celebrating an Attitude of Gratitude rain on my proverbial parade.  Spouting that it is yet another commercialization of something we should do every day and that makes it less than genuine....well, I will give you the we should do it everyday, just like we should celebrate our parents, our veterans, our freedom...I could go on and on.  In real life, sometimes our gratitude is lost in the overwhelming shuffle of all that must be done, so I say celebrate on!  For 30 days, really focus on all of the good in your life, in the world.

We live in a world that focuses on negativity, that demands that the worst be highlighted while every thing bright and beautiful is a line item at the bottom of the page.  The reverse should be true.  I lead an incredibly blessed life, and I bet, that so do you.  The true measure of happiness is found in being grateful, counting your blessings and not your disappointments.  We have all had moments in our life that have brought us to our knees and we forget that in those moments, we still rise.

The last couple of years in our household have been rough, we have let some beloved members of our families go to God, in not the easiest of ways, we have seen pain and suffering, the losing of ones self.  We have had times in our family and marriage that have been less than the ideal that we would like. We struggle daily with the demands that raising a family put on us as individuals, a couple and financially.  We are tired and worn out.  And yet, we are BLESSED.  We are GRATEFUL.  We are THANKFUL.

I have been given this crazy, messy, beautiful and stressful life to live because I can look at it and see that even at it's worst, it is perfect.   Because it was made to better me, to better the life of others, to be celebrated.  I am filled up because of things great and small.  Having an attitude of gratitude is not solely for celebrating all of those monumental moments, but for acknowledging your small victories as well, in the softer hours of your life.  Yesterday, I was grateful for our first night without a binkie being significantly quieter than our first naptime without it.  In the scheme of things, pretty small potatoes, but it quieted my soul and put a smile on the face of one very proud little girl this morning.

 This movement of thankfulness is not a selfie opportunity, or to amaze and awe all of my friends on social media.  It is to publicly remind everyone of all of the GOOD THINGS that we each experience daily.  To prompt someone who may be struggling with resentment to let some of that be washed away.  To remind myself when I am angry or feeling low, that I have it so very good.  To put JOY, PEACE and LOVE on the front page.

Having Heart

Hello, my wonderful readers, I'm doing better this time, it's only been 8 months since my last post...
You should all thank InterNations ( the expat website that carries my other blog from Canada, for prompting me to check in, except I'm checking in with you instead!)

Today when I was looking for items to post on our PTO website that were inspirational I found this gem and it spoke to me.... "Volunteers do not necessarily have the time; they just have the heart." This season in my life is so, EVERYTHING.  It's good, it's bad, it's crazy, it is hard, it is full of high and lows, more than any other up to this point.  I'm in this place where the days run into one another at breakneck speed and my list is so much longer than anyone could ever possibly do, EVER.

 

My commitments are weighing on me and I look around and I see 100 other people in the exact same place as me and I think "why are we doing this to ourselves?"  We are stretched to the point of breaking, but when someone asks "could you, please?"  I find myself having an out of body experience as I hear myself and the rest of us that are breaking our own backs, responding with a resounding "Yes, I can!".  I will always answer the same way.  When the world is ending, I will still say "yes."  Why you ask?  Because inside me and so many of my fellow man, lives the soul of one who was placed here, in this moment, in this season, in this life, to be of service to others.  There are so many who say no, but we just CANNOT.  It is not in us.  We will find a way, rally the troops and march on to victory, whatever the task may be.  And, we my friends, we are quietly, slowly and systematically changing the world.  To do something solely for the benefit of others restores faith in humanity, eases someone else's load, brightens someone's  day,  helps save the planet or a life, with an act, that alone, often, is really so very small.

Volunteerism is the song in my soul that I wish more would sing!  I spend hours every day trying to find people to fill the rosters of committees who need people to be passionate, excited and involved...they are sadly, so very hard to find, because like me, their season is overwhelming and consuming.  What they do not know, or perhaps have forgotten, is how much you GET BACK when you give of yourself!  Yes, we are tired, yes, we get frustrated and then someone looks at you and says  "THANK YOU". And we are restored and revitalized.   All it takes is that simple act of kind acknowledgement and appreciation to fill up those empty spaces inside of you.  Knowing that you have put a smile on the face of another is rewarding!  Being a volunteer in many capacities and roles throughout my life has gifted me with a love of community, bright and beautiful friends, a sense of personal satisfaction.  It teaches my children that we all have a social responsibility to try and leave the world better than we found it and to give freely of themselves, even when it's hard.  I love my season for all of it's insanity.

So, I will do my small things and maybe some big ones and I will sing my song and hope that it can be sung by more and that soon the world will be full of "Yes, I can!". My heart is full.

The REAL Housewives....

I have not written a post in two  years...that is crazy, sad and an indication of just how far down the rabbit hole I have fallen.

When we last met in January of 2014 I was going to change my home life.  I was  Mission Organization meets eHarmony for Life...I think I was high on a wave of sleep deprivation.  I desperately wanted to exist in a happy, clean and organized space so that I could better enjoy my life.  It was a New Year and by God, I was RESOLVED.  It lasted one month.

It's another New Year and a clean slate and all, right?  Wrong.  My slate is so full and dirty and I know that if my calendar was actually written on paper, in ink, it would look like a Bic pen lost it's crap all over it.  Harsh reality....I am not here to complain or to dash someone's dreams, or my own, for that matter.  But, it's time we all started getting real and telling the truth about life.  What I WANT my reality to look like and what it ACTUALLY looks like are two totally different things. Trying to achieve my want is pretty much driving me insane and the " I can do it" voice that is the driving force of my personality, is fighting like hell to keep the dream alive.

Nothing elevates the desire for peace and harmony more than the holiday season...we want a picture perfect season full of family, food and friends in a gorgeously decorated setting with carols softly playing in the background.  What I got this Christmas....a spasmodically twitching left eye...the more things went to hell, the crazier it went...I baked, I shopped, I wrapped, I cleaned, I shuttled to and from the airport, I maintained our normal schedule, I attended, I hosted and my eye pulsated to the sounds of Jingle Bells.  This is what I have been reduced to.  I wanted a perfect holiday, I wanted to LOVE Christmas, I wanted to have FUN.  It was miserable, stressful and EXHAUSTING.  No matter how much I did, no matter how late I stayed up, no matter how much planning ahead I did, it wasn't enough.  I felt like a total failure.  We are told we can do it, we BELIEVE we can do it, we kill ourselves and our spirit in the attempt to do it....ALL YEAR LONG.

I really want to be the woman who shows up at preschool drop off looking amazing...I Just Know her house is spotlessly beautiful and her ironing is done and she feeds her soul daily, she works out and has a husband who feels adored....I however, look like a zombie until pick up and sometimes after....I am the owner and wearer of about a million pairs of yoga pants and my kitchen floor needs to be mopped and my children have literally overtaken my life.  I am that wild eyed woman with her grocery cart tossing what I think I need in, iPhone open to the calendar trying to calculate how I can physically be four places at one time, begging her toddler to please, for the love of all things holy, to PLEASE, sit down.  I am crazy and sad and happy all at the same time and yes, it does sound like I have multiple personality disorder....I don't.  I am trying to be all things to all people, all while trying to maintain some sense of myself, because I'm supposed to be able to....

We have stopped going to church, not because we don't love Jesus, but because I literally CANNOT spend another morning of the week trying to have it all together and everyone out the door by 9 am...I am on absolute overload.  Many of you who will say simplify, prioritize, volunteer less, drop an activity or two or four...things I have read, heard and been told...all those things sound like such sage and wise advice.  But I can't be the mom who tells my competitive gymnast son, "sorry, you may be talented and have big dreams but your 12 hours a week just can't happen..." Or say to my freshman daughter, who has already been stressed to death by the education system, that she must do and be more so she can get into college, that " I really just can't take you to practice, attend an event, or help you serve your community so you have a shot at the college you have your eye on...so sorry."  I won't tell my two preschoolers that the headache of getting them loaded up and ready to experience life is just "too much".   Oh and let's not forget that rarely seen and much loved husband..."sorry love, date night is just not on the schedule."

 

How am I supposed to have it all together?? How is my house supposed to be an oasis, myself toned and dressed     like a mommy super model, have beautifully mannered, groomed and on the right track kids, a marriage that is happy and on solid ground, "find myself " so that I have a life after my nest is empty and maintain a shred of sanity? I have no earthly idea and the attempt is killing me. I want a drink ( or two), a clone and vacation that involves me doing absolutely NOTHING...not necessarily in that order.  This is REAL LIFE in America today and anyone who says otherwise is lying through their teeth, heavily medicated, doing drugs or perhaps all of the above.  

Let's all try and give ourselves a tiny break in the New Year, so that we don't have a breakdown.  I won't judge if you haven't showered in three days or if you admit, just this one time, that you did the happy dance when practice got rained out yesterday, if you won't judge me either.  This life is hard, be kind.

Less Mess, Less Stress!

Happy New Year!  I hope that this post finds each and every one of you happy and well and full of resolve to make this year even better than the last!  The great thing about the new year is it is a fresh slate full of possibility; a chance to do things that we have been putting off or to try something new.  The Evans Family is ringing in this new year prepping for yet another move and acquiring this new home has me full of resolutions and projects designed to keep the chaos(that is actually controllable) in check!

I have been taking stock of my life in an effort to actually make my New Year's Resolutions and I have found that my greatest frustrations and sources of unhappiness are generated by a lack of organization.  This makes me sound like an unorganized person, which is about as far from the truth as you can get.
I am a very organized person, I do not function well in a mess and I am happiest when everything has a place and looks pretty in it's place.  I also have four children, two dogs and a husband.  None of whom really grasp my bone deep need for organization.  I am guilty of letting a lot of things slide out of necessity(crying infants come first), some out of sheer exhaustion and the rest out of frustration at constantly being "mad mom" in an effort to keep it all tidy and maintaining our busy schedule.  Granted, the roof has yet to collapse and everyone is still happy and fed and the house wouldn't make an episode of Hoarders and I have not yet dropped any scheduling balls.  All that said, I am slowly and sometimes not so quietly, losing my mind.  I have been evaluating and ranking the things that make me want to instantly drop whatever may be going on at the moment and suddenly rip out a label maker, hold a lecture on doing one's share or bring in a team of home organizers-yes, that is a profession, and I have come up with the following areas/tasks:

1. Any space that is used for storage.  I feel like these spaces are functioning as dumping grounds instead of as accessible, useable parts of our home.
2.  Daily Household chores and upkeep.  The simple things like putting things in their proper place when finished with them and policing your possessions and spaces seem to be falling through the cracks.  The chore list gets done, sort of...
3.  Being prepared.  Whether it's having everything in the bag, ready to go for an activity or having all the ingredients for a meal, preparation is being overlooked.
4.   Time management.  Our schedule is incredibly busy and I often feel like we spend a lot of time that isn't productive.  I certainly don't want to have no down time, I am thinking more of the mini pockets of time in between larger events or tasks where we don't do much because we are waiting to leave or start something bigger.  Chris makes multiple trips to the grocery a week, when it could probably be squeezed into one, making an extra stop when we are out to eliminate a separate trip later…Family time is often neglected and marriage time is nonexistent.
5.  Cooperation and Willingness.  While these topics aren't exactly a lack of organization, they contribute to the overwhelming feeling of chaos.  When everyone is unwilling to do their part in keeping the household running smoothly and every request is met with a sigh, things don't get done to the highest standard, it takes time to get everyone on board and the result is unhappiness on all fronts.

So what is the plan to rectify these situations?  What are the actual resolutions?  The overall goal is to live a more harmonious life!  To have more time for fun and to eliminate unnecessary stress and mess!  The plan for getting there is of course, under construction, but I have some thoughts on how to get started.  I have been a pinning fool lately, I LOVE Pintrest!  The new house is my blank canvas for the year, the opportunity to start off with everything organized, pretty and well managed!

Let's address problem #1…Storage spaces that are berserk, there truly is no other word…

Exhibit A: The Pantry

Now, it doesn't always look like this, after a big trip to the grocery store, it is all nice and tidy, which lasts about 3 days.  This is how it looks after we have used items, have things halfway gone, etc.. It makes my eyes bleed….I have found two methods of pantry organization on Pinterest that I am going to combine at the new house and the end result will look more like this:

Exhibit B: The Dream Pantry

You can check these methods out for yourself on Pintrest at: http://pinterest.com/pin/180918110005200317

http://pinterest.com/pin/180918110005150678

There are many other spaces in our home that tend to look a little wild…I will not burden you with pictures, but if it has doors, it is inevitably crazy behind them!

Moving on to problem #2…The daily grind…That lately isn't grinding at it's best….I have found many a post/blog on speed cleaning.  The concept is not to deep clean one area daily, but more to refresh each area daily.  Thank god for my beloved cleaning lady, Luisa, since she comes twice a month, I have figured I can eliminate some of the daily steps like dusting every room everyday and a few other things and do them weekly.  This will save me time, especially since my house is run on baby time, my hour of speed cleaning may be spread throughout the day.  This combined with everyone putting their things where they belong and cleaning up after themselves will hopefully solve problem #2!  I am not sure when or how that became an issue for us, but it is one.  We will have to make it part of the routine and hopefully it will be second nature (again) after a while.

Problem #3, Preparation…I have given this one a lot of thought…on the portable necessity front( dance bag, diaper bag, backpacks, etc.) instant stowing where they go and replenishment are key.  I am hoping that if I repack everything when we get home from being out, that the stress of trying to repack before we leave and remember everything will be eliminated. I am also going to beef up my car kit, I often wish I had certain items on hand, because I live in my car.  I saw this Pin and I love the tidiness and visibility, so much better than my bag in the back!  I can have one for the littles, one for the bigs and one for me!

 As for meals…I am cringing as I write this, I am going back to planning and shopping for our meals on a monthly basis( with the exception of dairy, produce and deli/bakery items, which we will purchase weekly)…OMG.  Chris has been after me for awhile to get back to this system.  I used to do this when the older kids were smaller, our budget was tighter and our schedule lighter…It is a daunting task.  I have been resistant due to schedule constraints and the unpredictability of the moods of the younger two.  Some days we are moving and grooving and some days I am still unshowered and in my pi's at 3 pm, so sticking to a plan is hard.  Not to mention having the time to actually make the plan.  This is not for the faint of heart.  My hope is that buckling down and doing this will help with Problem #4, our food costs and the inevitable scramble at dinner time.  The trick to this is having tried and true recipes that you rotate and coordinating these with your monthly schedule…i.e. lasagna takes an hour to prep and an hour to cook, don't plan lasagna for a night when you only have a 30 minute window to cook.  Once you plan what you will be eating, it is time to make the VERY long grocery list; be careful to take inventory of dry goods and spices and condiments when making the list.  I always use the recipe when doing the list, it helps me judge quantities and remember the little ingredients I might overlook.   I am also going to be doing some make ahead and freeze meals that can be easily thawed and reheated or thrown into the crock pot.  I don't know if I will be ambitious enough the first go round to do a whole month like the girl in the pin, but we shall see.  I am going to use these on nights when I may have typically thrown a hot dog at the kids.  Don't forget to add nights out and leftovers to your rotation…NO ONE wants to cook every night! 

http://pinterest.com/pin/180918110005208693/

There are lots of areas of preparation that we could work on, but these two were my main irritants, so I am starting with those.

Oh, Problem #4…Time Management is hard, especially when you feel like you don't have a spare second to begin with.  My hope for tackling the issue, is to actually free up time for more fun and relaxation.  I am starting with scheduling fun…our household runs on a very intricate and tight schedule and honestly, if it isn't on the schedule it doesn't get done.  I am adding a weekly two hour period for family time (excluding dinner) and a monthly family day.  Also joining the schedule is a weekly two hour period of time for Chris and I to be alone and a monthly date night.  It may sound sad that we have to schedule time to spend together but this is the reality of the American Dream.  Now, onto the yucky parts of tackling our time management…there will be no more multiple trips to the store, it is now a once a week event.  If there are other errands to be run, they will be run when we are already out and about, i.e. if I have a doctor's appt. I need to stop by Target and the pet store on my way home, they are on the way back and it is senseless to come all the way home, to turn around and leave again.  If we are watching tv, laundry can be folded simultaneously…these little pockets of time that we waste, add up to  a lot.  I think the best way to manage time better is to make a weekly list of tasks that would typically be saved for the weekend (refrigerator clean out, sorting out the clothes the babies have outgrown, etc.) and try and get them all accomplished during the week and voila!, weekend!  To keep all my lists and schedules in one place, I use the Cozi Family Calendar App on my phone, this allows me to be more efficient, I can add things to the lists when they pop into my head, I don't have multiple pieces of paper cluttering up my house/bag.  I find it to be user friendly and love that my whole family can access it.  

Now, for the really tough one…#5- Cooperation and Willingness.  How to get the whole family on board and in sync…I have struggled with this a lot.  I want my kids to be kids, my husband works hard, I don't want them to view our home life as a chore or something to survive.  But, the reality of life is that in order to have the life we do, it requires every single person participating.  I am not at all saying they never help, far from it, but often there is resistance to helping and the help is given sporadically.  I propose that each family member commit to the above plans for one month and see if they find our home a happier, calmer and more pleasant place to be.  At the end of the month there will be a survey about what everyone feels works and what doesn't, is there more fun or less, etc.  It will be interesting to see their responses.

I hope that this motivates you to take stock of what makes you feel a little crazy and that you resolve to make it better! This post may strike some of you as OCD, and maybe it is, just a little bit, but I really want my home life to be more fun and peaceful!  Your home should be an oasis, not a black hole that sucks you in and keeps you from enjoying it!   I will keep on posting on our progress and I am toying with the idea of starting a home making/home improvement type blog to show our work on the new house, our DIY projects that I am hoping we will have more time for and to provide a place to share more organizational/lifestyle type tips…I will just have to add that to the schedule!  LOL!

The Daily B*!ch...

It's November, the month where I consciously count my blessings.  This morning as I got off the phone from my daily chat with my dear friend Andrea, I realized how thankful I am for what we have dubbed The Daily B*!ch.  Don't let the name deceive you, it isn't a non stop griping session between two disgruntled housewives, it is so much more and over the years has become something that is almost as necessary to us as breathing.

We all have multiple friends in our lives and each of those people play an important role.  We have our good time friends, our work friends, friends that we have because our kids are friends, childhood friends, our best friends…the list is long and varied and every person on it fulfills a need we have in our lives and we are better for knowing these amazing people.  Each of us has a special friend or two where there are no boundaries and we can literally tell them ANYTHING and feel safe and secure.  For me, Andrea is one of those people and The Daily B*!ch has evolved from this close friendship.  Almost every day for five years we have talked on the phone while we clean house, do laundry, etc. and we discuss whatever happens to be weighing on our minds or happening in our lives.

I admit, some days it is nothing but venting, we do after all, have husbands and children…but more often than not, it is almost like therapy.  There is no judgment on the other end and a perspective that is not living in the problem.  I would love to say that my life is perfect and I never have a bad day and that I have nothing that I need to talk about.  If I did so, I would be the biggest kind of liar.  The Daily B*!ch is not only about vocalizing the issues that arise in life, but about actively finding solutions to the problems.  It is our goal to walk away from our talk with a plan.

One of the hardest things in life to do is to maintain perspective and to see beyond the moment.  Having The Daily B*!tch has gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life and I would truly be lost without it.  Our year in Canada was very hard for me on a lot of levels.  It was hard on our marriage as Chris was at work 16+ hours a day, it was hard on me to be so isolated, my kids were homesick and I was worried about them…I could go on for a long time about all of the reasons it was hard.  The Daily B*!ch was my saving grace.  It provided a much needed link to my old life and not only kept some normalcy for me, it gave me the strength I needed to keep pushing through.  There is nothing in the world that is more helpful than someone to listen, offer a shoulder and then help to pull you up and push you on your way.

This everyday talk is also a great spiritual experience.  We often approach the issue at hand from the viewpoint of what God may want us to learn from it or how we can better our lives or someone else's by embracing the path that we have been placed on.  It is such  a comfort to have someone to remind you that you are never alone and that each of us is given a purpose that we may not always understand. We talk about the sermon from Sunday, the topics that we have covered in our class at church or Andrea's Bible study that she teaches.  Many times the discussion revolves around how to apply these lessons or what we walked away from these sessions with.  Sharing faith is a great bonding agent in a friendship!

The Daily B*!ch isn't always serious, it has a light and happy side too!  Any good therapist will tell you that balance is essential in life.  We share the touching moments of marriage and parenthood, we laugh, we exchange recipes, we indulge in discussions of paint chips and fabric.  We have lunch and have our talk face to face and top it off with retail therapy.  We are there for birthdays, holidays, baptisms and all of the joyful moments that happen in life.  We celebrate the report card victories, the wins on the football field, the hard earned date nights and the millions of things that bring smiles to our faces!

I hope that you have your own version of the Daily B*!ch and if you don't, I challenge you to try it for two weeks with a friend.  You will never go back!

Time Flies

Today our first baby girl turned thirteen.  We are the parents of a teenager.  I find myself wondering how on earth this could havehappened, considering that she was four, yesterday.  Parenting is such an all consuming process that the days and years slip by almost unnoticed.  That is, until the reality of having a child in your house who is officially closer to adulthood than childhood, is staring at you and you have been caught unaware.

I am looking back and trying to figure out just where those years went.  I can see her as a newborn, a precocious toddler, a kindergartner, a tween.  Millions of images are etched in my mind and caught on film.  I have been there for nearly everyday of her life, for thirteen years.  I knew this was coming, I just thought I had more time....Life has a way of being endless and instantaneous, at the same time.  Those thirteen years flew by in a sea of bottles and diapers, thousands of dance classes, a million homework sessions, rushing to the next time slot on the schedule, dinners on the fly and the host of other demands that press upon us daily in the life of a family.  Without us realizing, our babies grow up.

Sitting here in the relative quiet, I am wondering if we have done enough, said all the right things, punished the right way....after all, she is a child no more and will sooner, rather than later, be leaving our nest.  When she flies off, her progress will be a direct reflection of our raising.  No pressure.  You can't even check out of the grocery store without having a mini parenting quiz.  The magazines shriek at you to play more, add this to the schedule for college admittance, eliminate these foods.  They are the devil's handiwork.  None of us, even super moms, can live up to the unrealistic expectations of society, let alone those of ourselves.  But, we sure do try....I am hopeful that I have done my job to the best of my abilities and that over the course of the next five years I will have the time to correct what, according to those magazines, are my many mistakes.

Reality check!  I will not have the time to correct my "mistakes".  I will be busy trying to raise her and the other three with minimal bloodshed and harm to their psyches.  To be honest, they aren't mistakes.  I look at my baby, who is so not a baby and I am proud.  We have raised a kind, capable, smart and generous girl.  She is also volatile, messy and completely scatterbrained.  She is human.  So are her parents.  Everyday we get up and try to give our best to our kids, some days our best is better than others.  I don't want to have the time I have left with my TEENAGER to fly by any faster than it already will because I am not only caught up in life, but hung up on all the ways I am doing it wrong.

Five years from now when she is eighteen(just typing that makes me nauseous), I will be wondering where it all went and I know it will be a blur of prom dresses and drivers license classes and broken hearts and more homework.  I will have millions more pictures in my head and thousands of moments that slip by me unnoticed.  They just keep growing up and it is so hard to keep up!  So, I will hug on her a little extra today and pray that the little ones just stay little.

Overwhelming Everything!

Welcome Readers!

It's the beginning of a new adventure!  Many of you will have read my last blog, Almost Arctic: A Canadian Adventure which focused on our life as expats in Canada and know that the Evans family has moved back to the states and has started a new chapter!   With this new chapter comes a new blog! I want to write about everyday life, it's high and lows, humor and sorrows.  It is my hope that you are entertained and can find pieces of yourself in each post.

This first entry(that I have been trying to get out for months) comes on the heels of one of the biggest things that can happen in life, the beginnings of a new one!  We welcomed our fourth child into the world on July 5 at 2:33 in the afternoon.  Kenna Paige weighed in at 5 pounds 14 ounces and 19 inches long and has turned our world upside down since her arrival!  We are so happy and blessed to have another beautiful and healthy daughter.  

It has been almost two months and I cannot imagine life without her.  I can imagine life without sleepless nights and hours of colic and screaming.  Without epic tantrums and whining from our in love with the baby but not so in love with not being the baby, two year old and the endless demands of two older children with schedules that rival that of a CEO of a fortune five hundred company.  I fantasize daily about a tropical island that is completely deserted, save me and a five star resort, of course....

School started this week and I have yet to decide if this is a blessing or a curse.  I will say the house is slightly calmer with two less children in the house, but I have lost my helpers.  If Aila needs juice, they fix juice, if the laundry is threatening to take over the couch, they fold laundry, not well mind you, but it's folded.  School brings mornings of insane rushing to get everyone out the door and the crazed afternoons where we are shoving food into faces and clothes are flying as we get changed for the evenings of back to back activities.  Then there is the mommy homework...I have filled out enough forms to rob a whole forest of it's trees. There are forms for your forms....

My schedule has quadrupled in the past two weeks and is only becoming more full as my volunteer commitments are commencing.  There are not enough hours, hands or energy to do all that I need to do and maintain any sort of sanity.  In my heart I know that it will all be fine and that we will find our rhythm and I will look back on this moment of weakness and think I was silly for worrying.... I hope that moment comes sooner than later.

In the meantime, life continues to march on, all over my house and my brain is absolutely fried.  I must say, I couldn't be happier.  I am blessed to have this crazy life and I am doing my best to enjoy the ride!