Grateful, Thankful and Blessed

 

It's November, my favorite month of the year.  When we live in places with seasons, I celebrate the leaves, the air, the hush that seems to start taking place in the softer hours of the day.  Here in Texas, I pretend these things are happening....but the one constant is taking a really good, long look at all of the things that truly fill up my life and making an effort to be visibly and consciously grateful.  

 Every year  the naysayers of celebrating an Attitude of Gratitude rain on my proverbial parade.  Spouting that it is yet another commercialization of something we should do every day and that makes it less than genuine....well, I will give you the we should do it everyday, just like we should celebrate our parents, our veterans, our freedom...I could go on and on.  In real life, sometimes our gratitude is lost in the overwhelming shuffle of all that must be done, so I say celebrate on!  For 30 days, really focus on all of the good in your life, in the world.

We live in a world that focuses on negativity, that demands that the worst be highlighted while every thing bright and beautiful is a line item at the bottom of the page.  The reverse should be true.  I lead an incredibly blessed life, and I bet, that so do you.  The true measure of happiness is found in being grateful, counting your blessings and not your disappointments.  We have all had moments in our life that have brought us to our knees and we forget that in those moments, we still rise.

The last couple of years in our household have been rough, we have let some beloved members of our families go to God, in not the easiest of ways, we have seen pain and suffering, the losing of ones self.  We have had times in our family and marriage that have been less than the ideal that we would like. We struggle daily with the demands that raising a family put on us as individuals, a couple and financially.  We are tired and worn out.  And yet, we are BLESSED.  We are GRATEFUL.  We are THANKFUL.

I have been given this crazy, messy, beautiful and stressful life to live because I can look at it and see that even at it's worst, it is perfect.   Because it was made to better me, to better the life of others, to be celebrated.  I am filled up because of things great and small.  Having an attitude of gratitude is not solely for celebrating all of those monumental moments, but for acknowledging your small victories as well, in the softer hours of your life.  Yesterday, I was grateful for our first night without a binkie being significantly quieter than our first naptime without it.  In the scheme of things, pretty small potatoes, but it quieted my soul and put a smile on the face of one very proud little girl this morning.

 This movement of thankfulness is not a selfie opportunity, or to amaze and awe all of my friends on social media.  It is to publicly remind everyone of all of the GOOD THINGS that we each experience daily.  To prompt someone who may be struggling with resentment to let some of that be washed away.  To remind myself when I am angry or feeling low, that I have it so very good.  To put JOY, PEACE and LOVE on the front page.

Having Heart

Hello, my wonderful readers, I'm doing better this time, it's only been 8 months since my last post...
You should all thank InterNations ( the expat website that carries my other blog from Canada, for prompting me to check in, except I'm checking in with you instead!)

Today when I was looking for items to post on our PTO website that were inspirational I found this gem and it spoke to me.... "Volunteers do not necessarily have the time; they just have the heart." This season in my life is so, EVERYTHING.  It's good, it's bad, it's crazy, it is hard, it is full of high and lows, more than any other up to this point.  I'm in this place where the days run into one another at breakneck speed and my list is so much longer than anyone could ever possibly do, EVER.

 

My commitments are weighing on me and I look around and I see 100 other people in the exact same place as me and I think "why are we doing this to ourselves?"  We are stretched to the point of breaking, but when someone asks "could you, please?"  I find myself having an out of body experience as I hear myself and the rest of us that are breaking our own backs, responding with a resounding "Yes, I can!".  I will always answer the same way.  When the world is ending, I will still say "yes."  Why you ask?  Because inside me and so many of my fellow man, lives the soul of one who was placed here, in this moment, in this season, in this life, to be of service to others.  There are so many who say no, but we just CANNOT.  It is not in us.  We will find a way, rally the troops and march on to victory, whatever the task may be.  And, we my friends, we are quietly, slowly and systematically changing the world.  To do something solely for the benefit of others restores faith in humanity, eases someone else's load, brightens someone's  day,  helps save the planet or a life, with an act, that alone, often, is really so very small.

Volunteerism is the song in my soul that I wish more would sing!  I spend hours every day trying to find people to fill the rosters of committees who need people to be passionate, excited and involved...they are sadly, so very hard to find, because like me, their season is overwhelming and consuming.  What they do not know, or perhaps have forgotten, is how much you GET BACK when you give of yourself!  Yes, we are tired, yes, we get frustrated and then someone looks at you and says  "THANK YOU". And we are restored and revitalized.   All it takes is that simple act of kind acknowledgement and appreciation to fill up those empty spaces inside of you.  Knowing that you have put a smile on the face of another is rewarding!  Being a volunteer in many capacities and roles throughout my life has gifted me with a love of community, bright and beautiful friends, a sense of personal satisfaction.  It teaches my children that we all have a social responsibility to try and leave the world better than we found it and to give freely of themselves, even when it's hard.  I love my season for all of it's insanity.

So, I will do my small things and maybe some big ones and I will sing my song and hope that it can be sung by more and that soon the world will be full of "Yes, I can!". My heart is full.

The REAL Housewives....

I have not written a post in two  years...that is crazy, sad and an indication of just how far down the rabbit hole I have fallen.

When we last met in January of 2014 I was going to change my home life.  I was  Mission Organization meets eHarmony for Life...I think I was high on a wave of sleep deprivation.  I desperately wanted to exist in a happy, clean and organized space so that I could better enjoy my life.  It was a New Year and by God, I was RESOLVED.  It lasted one month.

It's another New Year and a clean slate and all, right?  Wrong.  My slate is so full and dirty and I know that if my calendar was actually written on paper, in ink, it would look like a Bic pen lost it's crap all over it.  Harsh reality....I am not here to complain or to dash someone's dreams, or my own, for that matter.  But, it's time we all started getting real and telling the truth about life.  What I WANT my reality to look like and what it ACTUALLY looks like are two totally different things. Trying to achieve my want is pretty much driving me insane and the " I can do it" voice that is the driving force of my personality, is fighting like hell to keep the dream alive.

Nothing elevates the desire for peace and harmony more than the holiday season...we want a picture perfect season full of family, food and friends in a gorgeously decorated setting with carols softly playing in the background.  What I got this Christmas....a spasmodically twitching left eye...the more things went to hell, the crazier it went...I baked, I shopped, I wrapped, I cleaned, I shuttled to and from the airport, I maintained our normal schedule, I attended, I hosted and my eye pulsated to the sounds of Jingle Bells.  This is what I have been reduced to.  I wanted a perfect holiday, I wanted to LOVE Christmas, I wanted to have FUN.  It was miserable, stressful and EXHAUSTING.  No matter how much I did, no matter how late I stayed up, no matter how much planning ahead I did, it wasn't enough.  I felt like a total failure.  We are told we can do it, we BELIEVE we can do it, we kill ourselves and our spirit in the attempt to do it....ALL YEAR LONG.

I really want to be the woman who shows up at preschool drop off looking amazing...I Just Know her house is spotlessly beautiful and her ironing is done and she feeds her soul daily, she works out and has a husband who feels adored....I however, look like a zombie until pick up and sometimes after....I am the owner and wearer of about a million pairs of yoga pants and my kitchen floor needs to be mopped and my children have literally overtaken my life.  I am that wild eyed woman with her grocery cart tossing what I think I need in, iPhone open to the calendar trying to calculate how I can physically be four places at one time, begging her toddler to please, for the love of all things holy, to PLEASE, sit down.  I am crazy and sad and happy all at the same time and yes, it does sound like I have multiple personality disorder....I don't.  I am trying to be all things to all people, all while trying to maintain some sense of myself, because I'm supposed to be able to....

We have stopped going to church, not because we don't love Jesus, but because I literally CANNOT spend another morning of the week trying to have it all together and everyone out the door by 9 am...I am on absolute overload.  Many of you who will say simplify, prioritize, volunteer less, drop an activity or two or four...things I have read, heard and been told...all those things sound like such sage and wise advice.  But I can't be the mom who tells my competitive gymnast son, "sorry, you may be talented and have big dreams but your 12 hours a week just can't happen..." Or say to my freshman daughter, who has already been stressed to death by the education system, that she must do and be more so she can get into college, that " I really just can't take you to practice, attend an event, or help you serve your community so you have a shot at the college you have your eye on...so sorry."  I won't tell my two preschoolers that the headache of getting them loaded up and ready to experience life is just "too much".   Oh and let's not forget that rarely seen and much loved husband..."sorry love, date night is just not on the schedule."

 

How am I supposed to have it all together?? How is my house supposed to be an oasis, myself toned and dressed     like a mommy super model, have beautifully mannered, groomed and on the right track kids, a marriage that is happy and on solid ground, "find myself " so that I have a life after my nest is empty and maintain a shred of sanity? I have no earthly idea and the attempt is killing me. I want a drink ( or two), a clone and vacation that involves me doing absolutely NOTHING...not necessarily in that order.  This is REAL LIFE in America today and anyone who says otherwise is lying through their teeth, heavily medicated, doing drugs or perhaps all of the above.  

Let's all try and give ourselves a tiny break in the New Year, so that we don't have a breakdown.  I won't judge if you haven't showered in three days or if you admit, just this one time, that you did the happy dance when practice got rained out yesterday, if you won't judge me either.  This life is hard, be kind.